To Forgive or Not To Forgive - A Question We’ve All Faced

Has anyone else ever believed that forgiving someone meant you had to welcome them back into your life?

Does forgiveness require a conversation, a face-to-face reunion, or having to act like the inequity never happened at all? 

If I’m being honest, this is exactly what I used to think and believe. I felt as if the world demanded this of me. If I were going to choose to forgive someone, then I better really choose to forgive them. I forgive, and then, I should forget.  

End of story. Case closed. Everyone moves on and lives happily ever after …

If only it were that easy. 

Through time, and my own share of trauma and heartbreak, I’ve had to deal with a lot of ‘forgiveness’ issues over the years. It’s been a journey of a thousand roads. It’s safe to say I have had to ask for forgiveness on many occasions, while I have also harbored unforgiveness in my spirit for far too long. What’s equally difficult is when I’ve tried to forgive someone, only to have them never acknowledge their wrongdoing. 

However, over time, what I have learned, especially during this book-writing journey, is that when it comes to forgiving others, forgiveness has very little to do with the person who hurt you. 

Forgiveness is about healing yourself.

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself.

Forgiveness brings freedom to YOU, not to them.

Forgiveness opens pathways to healing. That journey encompasses your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well-being. If we begin to truly understand what forgiveness can do, it changes the entire story.

Forgiveness is very different from reconciliation. Reconciliation can be part of the forgiveness process, but it’s not a requirement. It’s not a commandment. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is something we are called to do.

There are times when reconciliation is not only impossible, but also unsafe, and it’s essential to acknowledge this. Reconciliation requires accountability, change, and safety, which can’t always be achieved. Both parties must be willing and active participants in the process.

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But, if reconciliation is not in the cards, you can forgive an abuser and still never speak to them again.

You can forgive a friend or family member and still protect your peace.

You can forgive, without forgetting.

I’m not here to pretend that forgiveness is always easy. However, it is achievable and, inevitably, will begin to heal the places in your heart that you may feel are currently unhealable. 

I came from a place of brokenness. A place that required me to forgive, and to be forgiven. It’s not up to me how those I've hurt respond to my pleas for forgiveness, but understanding the power and call I’ve been given to forgive others has given me a freedom and peace that surpasses human understanding. 

Perhaps it’s time to stop asking whether we should forgive and instead be reminded that forgiveness is a free gift, with the power to transform our lives!